My husband doesn’t fulfill me… and why that’s not a problem

My husband doesn’t fulfill me.

Now don’t get me wrong, my husband is my favorite person in the world. He’s my best friend, and I love him with all of myself. He makes me laugh harder than anyone else and we can go on adventures or sit at home and have a blast. He reminds me to dream and reminds me that I am capable, intelligent, and can really make a difference in this world.

Yet, if I’m really honest, I still get lonely. I get insecure, weary, and I doubt myself. It would be so simple if I could just sit next to him on the couch and have the painful empty places that loneliness and security create filled up by him. I know I’d be the happiest wife if he could do that for me. But, even though I wish he did, he doesn’t fulfill me.

He doesn’t give me value.

He doesn’t make me important.

He doesn’t make me smart.

He doesn’t give me confidence.He doesn’t make me pretty.

He doesn’t make me pretty.

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My husband doesn’t fulfill me because he can’t fulfill me. He’s not able to. He’s not supposed to. The pure love of my husband was never intended to completely fulfill me.

I’ve tried to be filled by him, but it always ends in disaster. Maybe you’ve been there too. I start to ask far too much of him; I become overly dependent and, which actually works for a while. But then it stops.

We can get many of our needs met by the love of a man and that’s effective for a bit. But, the love of a man doesn’t fulfill the deepest empty place in my heart that wonders if I’m good enough, smart enough and millions of other insecurities.

When I try to be fulfilled by him, my identity and emotions rely completely on his actions and words after a while. When I try to be fulfilled by him, I read into everything. Even the godliest, kind and most encouraging husband who is completely enamored by his wife cannot fulfill his wife.

My husband can love and serve me, but he cannot fulfill me.

He can treat me with value.
He can remind me I’m important.
He can encourage me.
He can affirm why I can claim confidence.
He can remind me I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

But he cannot fulfill me. The Lord reserves that role for Himself.

And ya know what? The Lord is so much more equipped to fulfill me than my husband, who happens to be walking this same journey through life with me.

For those of us who are married, we must continually remind ourselves to find our identity in Christ alone and not in our husbands. And for those who are not married, you don’t have to wait for a man to be fulfilled. True identity and fulfillment is found only in Christ. When we look to our men to be husbands rather than “God,” we’ll find true joy, confidence, and fulfillment – and I bet we’ll be freed up to love our husbands a lot better too.

My husband doesn’t fulfill me,
But the Lord longs to fulfill me.
Let’s long to be fulfilled by the Lord.

Psalm 23
“…you fill my cup until it overflows. Your kindness and love will always be with me each day of my life, and I will live forever in your house, Lord.”

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Caroline Rothschild received a Professional Writing degree from Baylor University and a Masters of Theological Studies from Truett Seminary. She lives in Houston with her husband, Clayton, and new baby, Tripp. Her desire is to never miss the joy that is always found in the ordinary. Read her stories of motherhood and misadventures at www.jcaro.com.


 

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