Dear wife and mother, stop lying to yourself

My hairdresser told me she hears it all of the time. The woman who wants to cut her hair, wants to change things up, but can’t quite yet. Her reasoning is simple – she needs to lose ten pounds first. 

We scoffed at the idea. How sad is that? And we then sheepishly admitted, yeah, we’ve thought that too.

That girl in your head, she’s lying to you.

A friend of mine confided the other day that she feels a little lost. She has been watching the women around her pursuing their gifts, serving bravely, diving in headlong. It was fun to observe, but she was having a hard time finding her footing. Questions bubbled to the surface – what are my gifts? Do I even have any? The questions percolated with doubt.

That girl in your head, she’s lying to you.

It takes a brave woman to admit what all of us have felt (are feeling?) and I wonder, how many others lies have we been listening to lately?

That girl that quietly trash talks your parenting, laughs at you when you lose it again, yell again. Without fail she reminds you, you will never be patient enough, kind enough, graceful enough for this job. In the dark recesses of your heart she shines a glaring spotlight on all of your motherhood failings. 

That girl in your head, in your heart, she’s lying to you.

What about the woman that isn’t even there yet? The one who is disqualified because she’s too young, unmarried, divorced. She doesn’t have enough children to qualify as a real mom. My fingers feel fiery even typing that garbage, but yet we quietly believe it. I have believed it.

Read this: When your life seems unfair 

That bossy girl in your head, she’s lying to you.

That girl that tells you it’s easier for everyone else because they have a different husband, different kids, better parents, perfect health and hair – she gets really loud sometimes. She looks closely through fake windows on social media and magnifies all of the ways it is easier for everyone else. 

That girl in your head, she’s lying to you.

She’ll tell you, you are not loved, let you steep in that for a while; tell you, you have no real friends and let those thoughts bake slow. She’ll tell you, you have no gifts or the few you have are worthless, meaningless, useless. And then she’ll catch your eye all day long proving it to you. 

He forgot again. No one called. You didn’t get invited, chosen. You weren’t seen, noticed, needed.

How is she so good at this? Why are we so susceptible? How do we fight the onslaught of lies that slip in through our mirrors and phones, through overheard conversations on bad days, through the silence of our own thoughts?

We wash with Truth, repeatedly

My mom reminded me continually as a girl, “Don’t touch your face, Katie.” Even as a child, she was breaking the beginning of a bad habit. You don’t want the grime on your fingers, the oils that aren’t even visible, on your face. I watched her wash her face nightly, faithfully, and eventually, she taught me to do the same. 

Why are most of us more faithful about washing the residue off our face than we are about scrubbing the grime off our heart?

It sticks there just as easily, just as frequently, with far greater damage.

So we wash, faithfully. We process those thoughts daily, aligning them with Truth. Taking every thought captive, we bring it to the obedience of Christ.

We cannot combat lies if we are not steeped in Truth. 

Your daily faithfulness here matters.

“We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 NLT

We bring them into the light

A friend of mine was struggling with a bout of fear recently – a heavy foreboding that something bad was about to happen. She kept it quiet, letting in grow in secret until one day she dumped the whole mess of it out to her husband. 

And instantly she saw it all differently. She said it all looked quite silly out in the open.

It’s so simple, but it’s so true.

Not much has changed since we were six, friend. Monsters grow large in dark closets.

 “Everything exposed by the light is made visible.” Ephesians 5:13 CSB

Community is vital here. Tell your spouse, a good friend, a trusted mentor and bring those quiet stirrings of your heart into the light. Line them up with truth and expose the lies.

Check your footing

I still remember the Sunday school song about the wise man who built his house upon the rock and foolish man who built his on the sand. The words feel ancient to me now, but what if the application isn’t.

Replace the sand with Instagram and magazines. Replace the sand with what I see around me, what everyone else is doing, this image I have created in my head of successful womanhood. 

What is the source, the foundation, for my determination of success? What am I really standing on?

I am a blood bought daughter. A sinner saved by grace. I am an heir, never because of who I am, but only because of who He is. This is me.

Truth must flip the script, friend. This is liberty and grace, the source of strength and brave that tares down lies – the ones that just popped up yesterday and the ones that have been rooted for years now.

Uproot them, expose them, toss them. They are holding you back when He has good work for you to do right here, right now. Today.

Now read this: Five questions to help you filter out the lies in your head 

This post originally appeared on I Choose Brave and was republished with permission. 

Katie Westenberg is a wife and mother to four, who is passionate about fighting fear and living brave. Married for 15 years, she lives in Washington state, enjoying life outside the city limits and any adventures that involve friends and family. She writes at encouraging women to fear God and live brave.



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