Got a sec? Of course you don’t. You’re a woman with a jam-packed agenda; in fact, the only reason you’re looking at this blog post is because you have exactly 90 seconds to swipe through your phone while waiting in the carpool line between work and soccer practice. I get it. I’m just like you.
Which is why you need to keep reading.
I’ve been that girl, you know. The one who’s so focused on time management and family efficiency that she buzzes right past her husband as if he’s just a mantelpiece. Always there. Nice to look at.
Rarely ever dusted.
Know what I mean?
Since having children, I’ve discovered how easy it can be to put off my husband, and how quickly that kind of negligence can hurt us both. Marriage needs to be nurtured on a daily, even hourly basis. For my fellow busy wives out there, here are a few of my best lessons learned the hard way.
Remember you’re spouses, not roommates. Roommates share the same space. Spouses share a life. Your husband is not just storing his coffee creamer in your refrigerator; he is your morning coffee date, the love God chose for you, for better or for worse, ‘til death do you part. When you start treating each other more like passersby than close confidantes, it’s time to recalibrate.
Don’t give your husband your leftovers. Does all your best time, energy and attitude go to your kids and co-workers? I get it, sister. After a long day of deadlines, pouring my heart into ministry, or navigating my children’s physical and emotional needs, it’s really easy to flop on the couch next to my husband and blow off steam in the shape of complaining and nagging. Yes, I should feel comfortable sharing my true feelings with him. But when my exhausted “feelings” start trumping basic kindness night after night, that’s no longer authenticity. That’s just a cranky wife.
Check in. Some of the best marriage advice I ever received came from a friend who also happens to be a marriage and family counselor. She told me—if you and your husband are both juggling a variety of responsibilities, do a daily check-in. Each morning, ask “What’s on your agenda today?” or “What are you needing from me today?” By starting each day with a check-in, you’ll be able to compare calendars and responsibilities, and better understand how you can support one another instead of resenting each other for not meeting unspoken expectations.
What it all comes down to is this. If we’re too busy to love our husbands well, then we’re too busy—period. No agenda, no commitment, and no ambition is worth sacrificing a marriage that God ordained. So, my fellow busy wives, are you with me? Let’s start investing day after day in building our marriages up, instead of tearing them down.
This post originally appeared on The Better Mom and was republished with permission.
Becky Kopitzke is the author of “The SuperMom Myth: Conquering the Dirty Villains of Motherhood” (Shiloh Run Press) and the upcoming “Love Forward: Discover the Joy of Living Generously” (Bethany House, April 2018). Becky lives in lovely northeast Wisconsin with her husband and their two daughters, where her home office is overrun with bouncy balls and tween craft supplies. For weekly, keeping-it-real encouragement, visit Becky at beckykopitzke.com.