Today’s post is a quick one where I share a great resource I recently found and a helpful conversation the resource sparked with some friends.
I looked the word up to help provide some clarity. The dictionary defines a habit as “a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.”
We all have daily habits (regular tendencies/practices)—habits of hygiene (brushing teeth, showering), habits of wellness (working out), spiritual habits (reading the Bible, praying), and so much more.
We have marriage habits as well. Some good, some bad. Obviously if you want your marriage to grow, you want to develop many healthy habits and drop the unhealthy ones.
What are habits of healthy marriages?
My friends Ryan and Selena Frederick (Fierce Marriage) recently released a helpful, free ebook called 5 Habits of a Healthy Marriage. In it they share five habits they’ve developed in their relationship to help grow their marriage. You can find the ebook on their site by clicking here.
Their five habits are:
- Have meaningful conversations
- Pray for each other, out loud, together
- Plan for intimacy and dating
- Live below your means
- Serve together
Kristen and I each read the ebook and came up with our own list of habits to grow our marriage. We came up with the following:
Pursue Jesus as individuals and as a couple (scripture, prayer, church, etc…)
Have a Weekly meeting
Date night/intentional pursuit, romance
Authentic Community where we engage others (plus accountability)
Be on mission together/serve together
Since marriage habits can’t be a one-size-fits-all prescription, it would be helpful for couples to identify healthy habits for their own marriage.
Kristen and I lead a small group of newlyweds at Watermark. We call these groups Foundation Groups, as we seek to help couples build their new marriages on the solid rock foundation of Jesus Christ (see Matthew 7:24-27). This past week we discussed together each couple’s marriage habits—ones we each currently do and others we hope to incorporate in the future.
Some of the ones that came up from the couples in our group included the following:
- Clearly communicate plans and expectations
Working out & eating healthy; Eating meals together; Exercise/Outdoor Adventures Together
- Be an intentional listener (when having meaningful conversation)
- Reading and studying the Bible together
- Spending quality time with each other; Spontaneous fun
Each couple came with their own unique list of what enabled them to have a healthy relationship.
The challenge from this post is a very helpful one. Take some to develop your own list of healthy marriage habits.
1. Read the Fredericks free ebook. Both husband and wife should read it.
2. Write down on your own what you think your healthy habits are as a couple.
3. Discuss together.
4. Capture your healthy habits on one piece of paper and find some way to post them in a place you can see them. Decide if these are more aspirational habits (what we want to be/do someday) or actual habits (we’re doing them right now).
This post originally appeared on ScottKedersha.com and was republished with permission.
Scott Kedersha is the director of premarital and newly married ministries at Watermark Community Church in Dallas, TX. He’s a loyal husband and father to four boys.